Prompt: #17: doubt
Word Count: 455
Note: Written for twislash_100
It was stupid of me to come. I know that. But… I couldn’t help but hope…
After everything we had been through… everything that we had done… I had hoped that he would choose… me. I swallowed hard as Carlisle and Esme entered. Alice squeezed my shoulder as she passed and for a moment my nerves calmed, I glanced at Jasper and he gave me a little smile. I gave him a shaky smile back but the moment he looked away my nerves returned.
Edward came in and took his position with Carlisle at his side. ‘God…you’re beautiful…’ I blushed when his golden eyes met mine. His gaze burned through me, my mouth getting drier with each passing second, I crossed my hands in front of myself hoping to hide the effect he had on me. He kept staring at me as I prayed for him to doubt this decision. I used the exact same words I had said to him twice before because I knew the last time I had been close to breaking him.
Then the bridal march started. His gaze shifted from me to her.
‘No, no, no! Look at me! Look back at me!’ I begged. My heart broke with each passing second that he didn’t look at me. I could feel Jasper trying to calm my feelings but I was just feeling to much. ‘She will never love you as much as I do Edward!’
At that his gaze flickered to me. I could see it, just for a split second. Doubt.
Just as I smiled he looked back at Bella. I had lost him again.
“Does anyone have any reason why this couple should not be married? Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Edward, Jasper and even Alice all looked at me. Waiting. Expecting me to say something. I wanted to. God! I just wanted to scream, Love me! But… I couldn’t. My mouth was to dry to get the words out, it was like a spell had been cast over me.
And then my chance had passed. Edward and Bella were pronounced man and wife, as they kissed my heart shattered. I pulled in a deep breath and steeled myself. I couldn’t lose it here; I couldn’t fall apart until he wasn’t watching anymore.
As the bride and groom walked down the aisle I felt his cold fingertips brush mine. I squeezed my eyes shut so my tears wouldn’t fall. “I will always love you Seth,” he whispered.
“Just not enough,” I replied. His fingers trembled as they left mine and I knew if I met his eyes… they would be as broken as mine. Yes, Edward loved me, just not enough, never enough to leave Bella.